Happy New Year!!!

Before new year's I had already resolved to do a few things that unlike other people's resolutions these are quite attainable.

My new year's resolutions are as follows:

• Celebrate my many Aunt's birthdays personally instead of feeling guilty that I can't buy them ish when Christmas comes. (This of course was after I felt bad that the majority of them got me something and I didn't, lol.)
• Stop second-guessing my thoughts and/or opinions and be as honest with people that think I usually am.
• Accept that I am emotional, not sensitive. (there is a difference.)
• Save, Save, Save! (The London trip ain't gonna pay for itself or with my good looks, lol.)
• Be more open to having fun with different people outside of my inner circle.

Two topics of discussion that have been bothering me very recently, that I would like to share with you guys. (Just venting...you skim it if you want)

First...Is it wrong that I "choose" to speak w/broken English and/or bad grammar around friends and family? And as proper as possible (I'll admit my vocabulary isn't a vast as I want it to be at the age I am.) when out in the world amongst mixed company? It has been a common theme with one my sister and step-mom to correct me on how I say things when we're around one another. Yesterday, they pointed out I was about to say "seen" but changed it to "saw" and they were "proud" of me? *quizzical look* I explained to them that I hadn't noticed it but I'm sure it was because I subconsciously knew they were ready to correct me and I didn't want it to happen. My step-mom asked, "What is that supposed to mean?" I explained to them what I just wrote above that I don't deem it to be necessary to censor my initial thoughts around friends and family because you guys should get me regardless.

In my defense, I attended okay schools growing up but the unfortunate thing is grammar was NOT emphasized much at all BUTTTT somehow with my limited vocabulary and bad grammar I was able to graduate high school, graduate from THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY and I'm steadily on my way to graduating from The University of Akron with a dual masters in Community Counseling and School Counseling. Hmmmm....that's interesting isn't it? I think so.. So to that I say fu*k grammar and though I value it in a sense, I believe until I have kids I won't really worry about how I speak because thus far it hasn't held me back from obtaining my dreams.

Second topic is I get subtle micro-aggressions from certain family members that believe that because I am receiving disability and not working that I have somehow become lazy, shiftless, unmotivated, pretty much a "statistic". And in statistic I definitely mean, "a black person, living off the government." It sickens me to my stomach that these people can say in the same breath that they love me, understand my disease and add that I should be doing moreWhen did getting a dual masters become easy? That's interesting. Plus I asked for this opportunity from GOD. Unfortunately, had I known when I asked GOD to allow me to go to graduate school and not have to work, I sure would've taken it back knowing I had to have Scleroderma to receive that request. So, YES! I will live off the government, work part time when I feel like it (I will be officiating track and field events this spring just like I did last spring) and focus on my future career as a counselor. I have the rest of my life to work and become burned out. I will gladly take two years off and be stress free in non-working bliss!

Ahhh.....that felt good. Glad its off my chest. Now with the positive I had a decent Christmas and New Year's and I would like to share the few pictures I have before my camera died and I couldn't figure out how to charge it. (It pays to read the manual, lol.)

I am a positive person and very optimistic when it comes to life's trials and tribulations. I will do my best to abide by the mantra throughout 2011 but excuse me if I had a moment like today. I pray and hope that I provide a great deal of positivity, encouragement and unique perspective as you continue to support me by reading my blog.

Love you all and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Affirmation: A peaceful heart makes for a peaceful life!

AG

p.s. when I spelled checked, I spelled grammar-grammer. told yall I'm a mess but I'm real.

Hello...Good Morning : )

Its been awhile but I have lots of information I learned at the conference this past weekend in Boston.

1st and foremost, even for the summer Boston is cold. Not an ideal place to hold a conference for people that suffer Raynaud's.*look it up* Anywho, I was so excited to be in Boston, birthplace of America and most importantly home of "Cheers!"

But I was there for something more important than these two things...I was there to learn more about my disease and meet people who also suffer from it. My 1st day/night there I was really weary about the possibility that I would get much from the conference because at first glance it seemed that everyone knew each other. I felt like an outsider*again*. After sleeping it off, I woke up, ate breakfast and vowed that this day (the next day) would be totally different.

I met a couple from Florida, Wendy, the wife, lives with scleroderma amongst a host of other chronic diseases that has left her wheelchair bound but all in all she was very up beat. She even drank two glasses of wine, like whoa! lol.

I met a girl named Michelle from Colorado who lives with scleroderma but hasn't allowed it her to slow down her career as respiratory therapist. I was amazed and inspired by her drive. Her advice to me, "Start physical therapy. Your range of motion will definitely increase!"

I met a woman named Susan from Los Angeles who also lives with the disease but is also very driven. She is a doctor and runs her own clinic that specializes in chronic diseases. I was very awestruck when I read her card. She and Michelle provided me living proof that life doesn't stop after being diagnosed w/scleroderma. It actually is just beginning.

I met other people but these were the few I took away the most from.

As far as the workshops I learned a great deal. For instances, I have the same chances as a healthy woman in regards to childbearing. I need to start routinely taking all my medications prescribed (duh!). In order not to permanently damage my small intestine and esophagus with my acid reflux, I need to take that medication and sleep with my head elevated. I learned that African-Americans usually have a worse prognosis than Caucasians. 4 out of 10 people with scleroderma who apply for disability WILL get it the 1st time applying. I learned how to take better care of my teeth and mouth for dental visits.

I learned so much, I could go on and on.

The unfortunate news I learned during my weekend in Boston was that researchers still don't have a clue what causes the disease as well as the onset. This bothers me especially with doctors presenting 25yrs + of their personal research at the conference but they were unable to say what the source was. How can you research something for so long and still not able to identify or narrow down key characteristics, genes, factors, etc. that lead to a person having scleroderma.

So...with that said, I guess I will do my best to go to next year's conference in San Francisco so I can attend the workshops I wasn't able to attend this go round.

*p.s. Cheers does not look like the show. I was told that actually set was upstairs or something.*

p.p.s. another name for Scleroderma is Systematic (or Systemic) Sclerosis

Peace

It's My Birthday !!!

(trey songz)...Go girl, it's your birthday. Open wide, I know your thirsty! Say Ahhhh! This has been my ring tone for a week & I love it! I know I haven't been up to date with all that's been going on in my life for some time now but that's cause it's been real crazy. So instead of talking bout the craziness that's been occurring, I'm gonna talk about the good because it's my birthday damnit!

I recently reunited with one of my good friends (Tonya) & it's like we never missed a beat. We went out a couple times last week, just cuz which was great cause my usual just cuz partner is currently living in NOLA (shout out-Ariana! Happy Belated Birthday to you! Welcome to Club 30!) So it was great getting out the house and not sitting alone watching movies (which I don't mind at all).

I had a Mardi Gras themed party this past Saturday! Though the turn out wasn't great, but those who did come made it a BLAST! (shout out to Michael, Kia/Tim, Kim, Angel/John, Monica, Candy, Robert/Patricia, Leann/Ramon!) Michael flew in from Florida to celebrate with me even though it was Valentine's Day Weekend (I apologize to his girl...sort of.) He was such a big help! From listening to family drama, shopping, cooking, setting up, cleaning, dressing me (lol-needed sock help.) I am so grateful for him! My weekend could have spiraled out of control with negativity if he hadn't been here for me. (oh yeah, I cried and usually there's no one there to comfort me but this time there was and that made me feel loved.)

My little sister, Cesily, was in the DST Les Belles Perles Cotillion on Valentine's Day! It was beautiful and she was gorgeous! Her mother looked gorgeous as well. My other sister looked great with her big boobs! (she hates that I tease her about them, lol) This time it was short and I was grateful for that! I was wiped out from the night before so as soon as it was all over I was audi five thousand G! lol. I really wanted to hang out for VDay with someone (guy, friend, etc.) but there was no one so I rented some movies and watched them alone.

Now today! I woke up @ 12/1pm (I didn't really look at the clock) and this is amazing! I responded back to everyone who text, called, im, etc. me birthday wishes! I ate some chips/dip, celery sticks, fish sandwich for a meal. I watched Madea goes to Jail. I caught up on my gossip! Emailed my teacher I wasn't going to make it class because it's a tradition that my family and I celebrate each other's birthday with dinner (I made this up but it would be a great tradition to start, right?)

For the evening the plans are: go to dinner with loved ones while wearing some awesome leather pants I bought a long time ago, lol. Then party, party, party till I get semi-wasted (I gotta function, lol).

So Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear Asya, Happy Birthday to ME.

Peace, Love & Hair Grease

AG